


keeping secrets

by breathephan



Category: Phan, Phandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan coming out, phan married, phanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 17:27:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathephan/pseuds/breathephan
Summary: dan and phil have finally been engaged, but most of their families don't know yet. how will they react upon receiving this news?





	1. cautions to the wind

**Author's Note:**

> eek i hope you like it! it may start to get a bit angsty, so soak up this fluff whilst you can >:3 i want to disclaim that this is not how i'd portray dan's family. i known nothing of them, and they were written they way they are solely for the purpose of the plot. thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and read it!

• keeping secrets pt. 1 •

_point of view • phil_

 

"we could do it you know..." dan shuffled closer on the soft grass, his body still but his thoughts and emotions pounding.

phil rolled onto his side to face his love... his world... _his dan._ "what- what do you mean?" phil questioned, faking confusion.

"you know exactly what im talking about. y'know, disappear from youtube; from the world," dan hesitated before adding, "what if we got married? the phans sure think it's possible, so why can't it happen?" his fingers restlessly drummed on the ground below, his nervous demeanor making an appearance.

"dan, you know we can't do that. do you think that would really be fair to our followers? they really do love us even though they can be a bit extreme sometimes. it's all with good intention." phil tried to reason. it was true. the fans did infact love them, but there were certain individuals who felt the need to step over that invisible line that separated the boy's public and private lives. there were always the 'shippers' that made their presence know in live shows, meet and greets, and even the occasional tour show. those situations were always awkward and ended with either of them attempting to spin it into some sort of joke. phil had to admit that it was cute sometimes (especially the art). he loved the.. oh what was it called? phanart? yes, those were precious! but, it didn't end there. there were far too many people who chipped at them day and night trying to shove open that last door that sealed their secrets under lock and key. phil hated to put his relationship second behind a literal sea of teenagers, but even if they wanted to, how would they get married? and where? not to mention the task of keeping such a big event under tarps.

"we could tell them. _or not._ as long as im with you that's all that really matters i guess- even if we're not technically married." dan whispered while rolling over to look back up at the stars. _he loved the stars._ "do you-", he paused choosing his words carefully, "do you not want to get married? is that it?"

dan's question shot ice into phil's heart, and he sat up abruptly. leaning over his boyfriend, phil spoke with apparent shock. "dan, do you really think that? that i don't want to marry you?" dan was still laying on his back, but his hands had moved to cover his face. he visibly shook with the effort to contain the welling tears and tattered breathes that threatened to escape into the night's air. was dan crying? _shit._

"listen, i didn't mean that im sorry! it was stupid of me to think that. i just cant help but wonder what's stopping us from finalizing it." dan said composing himself as sat up to face phil once more. "is it us?" he whispered, barely audible. his fingers ran through the grass beside his thigh, picking at stray pieces. "is it me?" his own arms snuck around his heaving chest phil knew it was wasn't because of the chilled air. this was something dan had done when he was younger snd experienced panic attacks, loneliness, self-doubt... it was a coping mechanism developed through years of fighting alone.

phil tugged dan into a flushed hug and rubbed his palms up and down his back in a feeble attempt to offer the trembling boy some comfort. "no no no, i don't want you to ever think that, hun. you're right, i never have talked about it. but the truth is," phil stopped to fix his glasses that were sliding down the bridge of his nose, "i wasn't sure if you were ready to take that next step. it's something really important to me, and of course id want to marry you. but i knew it would be something important to you to, and i didn't want to push you into something so drastic as a way of coming out." phil explained.

dan pulled his head away from phil's chest to look up at him, smiling softly. "who said anything about coming out? we don't have to tell anyone. it could be our own little secret."

phil tried to steady his emotions that were starting to burst, but they weren't having any bit of it. maybe it was the sleep deprivation or possibly the pretty boy he held in his arms, but whatever the cause may have been, he threw his cautions to the wind. "ok, let's do it. let's get married."


	2. impending trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy this chapter certainly is short !! oh well, i hope you like it anyways !!

• keeping secrets pt. 2 •

_point of view • dan_

 

the morning light shone through dan and phil's bedroom window and onto the disheveled bedsheets. phil had woke with the sun's first rays, but dan remained peacefully asleep curled around phil's middle. phil's delicate fingers toyed with one of his stray curls, lovingly twining it around his finger. the movement of his arm must have stirred dan since he mumbled slightly before re-burrowing back into his finance's side. phil held his breathe hoping he hadn't accidentally woke him up, but dan sighed in comfort and tangled his legs with phil's- he must be awake.

"mmm goodmorning," dan hushed into phil's sweatshirt, rubbing his still tired eyes.

"goodmorning love," phil leaned down to nuzzle his forehead into dan's messy hair, "im sorry i woke you up. you were so cute while you were sleeping,"

"while i was sleeping, huh? as soon as im awake i must turn into some kind of hideous rat-monster," dan smirked. he sat up to sit against the headboard of the bed, and then leaned against phil's shoulder.

"what, no! you're even more adorable when you're awake." phil teased a now rose-tinted dan. they may have spent the past seven years together, but he was still the nervous mess phil had first met in 2009.

"wha-whatever," dan tried to cover his embarrassment with a failed, sassy remark. he heaved a sigh as his morning haze withdrew and today's events were played in his head; today was the day they'd tell his parents about the marriage- no, secret marriage. tomorrow they would tell phil's family, and he had no doubt whatsoever that the lesters would be absolutely thrilled- they always were when it came to anything about his and phil's relationship. not that dan was annoyed over this, no- _perhaps it was jealousy?_ his own parents, however, probably wouldn't be too pleased about their big announcement. dan had never labeled his own sexuality (did he really need to?), but his dad did made it very evident that he didn't approve in his choice to have phil as his partner. the perfect dinner that dan had planned quickly went to shit the moment phil was introduced to his parents. he remembered it vividly- how his father had yelled and even gone as far as hurtling a fork at poor phil who'd luckily made a break for the door. both mr and mrs howell had known dan was bisexual, but that didn't stop them from solely believing their son was destined to bring home a pretty girl with a narrow figure and exaggerated curves. he had the looks to pick up nearly any chick he pleased, and apparently 'he could do better than phil'. refuting against his parents only angered them more causing dan to be declared banned from their household. he hadn't seen them since. 

"are you ok, dan? i know you don't want me to worry, but it scares me.. you look so... afraid. are you nervous about today?" phil whispered as he grasped dan's cold hand to rub circles in his palm. he knew what was bothering the boy, but he didn't want him to feel obligated to talk about it, "it will all be ok, i promise ill be with you, and we'll leave anytime you want if you don't feel comfortable. did you confirm where we'll be meeting today?" phil tried desperately to lighten the mood that had come to rest above their heads.

"yeah, the cafe on the corner of leon and pine." dan replied re-burying his face into phil's neck. "we have to leave in 3 hours, do we really have to get up now?" he hummed placing a few light kisses onto his collar bone. 

"we should probably get going. it takes an hour to get showered, dressed and in a taxi. then at least another 30 minutes on top of that for the car ride." phil tried to smile encouragingly, but struggled as he knew today would be anything but easy. unwilling peeling dan off of him, phil stood. "im going to go take a shower. wanna come with me?" phil grinned.

"of course." 

 

 


	3. unspoken words

• keeping secrets pt. 3 •

_point of view • third_

 

phil loaded into the blue taxi that had parked itself in front of their building. dan watched his own feet scrape over the cement as they shuffled over each other, silently cursing himself for stumbling over a rock in his path- he leaned on the side of the car, hesitating slightly before plopping down onto the seat tired and defeated. "dan, please stop worrying, love. i hate to see you all worked up over this. it's going to be ok, ill be with you, plus it's been a few years since we've seen them; they could have changed." phil tried to encourage, squeezing dan's hand in his own.

giving the cafe's address to the driver, dan visibly shrank into the leather with his arms crossed over his slowly-rising chest. he mindlessly nibbled at his bottom lip- a nervous habit he had picked up over the years- and let himself slide until he reached the window and rested his forehead on the cool glass watching the trees and shops blur past. it may have been the lack of a substantial breakfast, but his stomach churned with a feeling of repression and dread for what was to come. he closed his eyes begging his mind to shut out the shadows that crept ever closer to his sanity. his walls were falling.

"dan... dan!", a hushed voice pulled him from his dreams. it was phil. "dan, we're here. your parents are already here, i can see their car out front." phil observed, pointed to a rusted vehicle parked crookedly- _of course_ \- across two spaces.

 _"aaaaand they still have that same ford after all of these years- that hideous, white truck that his father refused to sell. it clanked and jolted, but that didn't matter; they were never open to change. never,"_ dan's mind prodded. he pressed his fingers against his temples willing the bad thoughts to go away. _"they're still the same assholes who disapproved of phil, and of our wonderful love we have together."_ dan reluctantly slid out of the seat and shuffled to stand near phil who was paying the driver. "let's just get this over with, i want to go home and cry on the sofa." dan muttered. "how are you completely fine about all of this?" phil's form froze for a mere second, so quick he thought he'd imagined it. _that probably wasn't too in-line of me to say.... welp too late now. fuck it._ "are you even listening to me!" he tried again, trying and failing to grab his fiancés arm, "dont you care what happens!"

"stop that, how do you know how i feel? ive been comPOSING MYSELF FOR YOU, DAN, BECAUSE YOUVE BEEN FREAKING THE FUCK OUT SINCE YESTERDAY. IT WONT DO US ANY GOOD IF WERE BOTH GOING BATSHIT CRAZY!" phil yelled before breathing to calm his shaking hands. at his sudden outburst, a few families outside had slowed to catch a glimpse of the scene that had grabbed their attention moments ago, "we can sit here and talk about how they could of changed or how they may be the same jerks who kicked you out," _yowch... maybe phil shouldn't have brought that up- he'd apologize later..._ "but that's not going to change anything! if you want my honest opinion, this is going to turn out awful (just as we expected) and it will probably end with us exchanging hasty words and then storming out! so you know what? fuck this!! fuck you, fuck this stupid situation, this whole goddamn day, and to hell with me for trying to stay strong." phil was absolutely FUMING.

before anything more could be said, phil snatched dan's hand from his side to tug him behind as he stomped to the cafe entrance.

_point of view • dan_

the bell on the door rang out when we pushed through the glass, but i couldn't hear anything. the only sounds that rushed through my ears were phil's words only moments ago.. "fuck this!! fuck you.... to hell with me for trying to stay strong..." in the 10 years ive known phil, i have never seen him his upset; he was visibly steaming, short seconds from exploding. while it was true phil had escalated things over the top, it didn't mean i wasn't in the wrong either; it was true. ive been so worked up that i didn't even notice phil's stress levels mirroring my own. of couRSE he was just as upset as me- i wasn't the only one effected by my parent's horrid ignorance. i stole a glance at his expressionless face, his lips pressed in a thin line. "phil, im really stupid, im so sor-" i tried to apologize, desperate to make things right before facing my parents. if there was even the slightest chance for this to end up alright, we needed to start and finish as a team.

phil quickly turned back to me after spotting my parents crammed into a stuffy booth. my mother's hair, once blonde, was now greying and sat askew atop her head. she wore an earthy-red sweater and jeans. my father, however, looked as though he'd just rolled out of bed in his tank top and shorts. he glared directly at us as we made our way to their table.

"hello, mr. and mrs. howell! it's so lovely to see you both again, it's been too long hasn't it?" phil beamed, offering his hand out to my dad for a polite greeting. _he was always so polite._ slapping his hand away, mr. howell angrily uttered, "not long enough if you ask me," it was probably meant to be a phrase mumbled and unheard by us, but his fading hearing had ratted his attempt; im sure nearly everyone in the restaurant had heard his comment. he then turned to phil and spat, "whats this? i thought i told you to leave this one behind!" he motioned to the dark-haired boy who seemed to be frozen in place. "dirty. disgusting." he continued with sick audacity, his eyes rolling so far back into his head i was certain they'd become stuck. "did you really think that we'd approve of this even when you've been told to stop? you were supposed to find a nice girl, get married and have kids, daniel!" my father raised his voice, pushing the wooden chair aside to stand and prod his finger in my fiancé's face, "not keep this, this- thing! what can he provide you with?! you obviously can't have a family! what are you think-"

"THATS. ENOUGH." i interrupted, taking phil's hand in mine. i could feel him shaking. _im so sorry, phil..._ "THAT. IS. ENOUGH. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SPEAK ABOUT HIM THAT WAY? AND 'FAMILY'- DONT YOU BLOODY TALK TO ME ABOUT FAMILY. HE'S MORE FAMILY THAN YOU WILL EVER BE, AND TWICE AS BETTER OF A PERSON." i paused, satisfied with the looks of horror on my parent's faces. by now, everyone in the cafe was staring at me, but i didn't care; it was time for me to be strong for phil. i smirked before adding, "and infact- guess what? we wanted to meet you here to tell you the big news! we're getting married." i held up our intertwined hands, bands of thin metal gleaming in the sun's light. his ring finger wore a silver band with small diamonds bordering the rims, and i presented my own band with one larger diamond imbedded in the center. the sheer, terrified look painted on phil's face was the last thing i saw before my father dove over the table and collided directly into my body.


End file.
